Every February 11, the anniversary of the untimely death of my 19-year-old best friend hits me and I feel a heaviness that doesn’t lift until the day’s end.
The day when you lost a loved one, had an accident, or experienced another traumatic event can trigger grief, anger, sadness and anxiety – and also cause physical symptoms, like sickness and insomnia. In more severe cases, people suffering from PTSD may relive experiences in vivid flashbacks or dreams.
Experts call this “anniversary syndrome” or the “anniversary effect,” and every person’s experience is unique. Some 70 percent of U.S. adults say they’ve experienced at least one traumatic event, according to the National Council for Behavioral Health.
“During these times, these feelings and reactions can be strong and often ‘take you back,’” the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says. The symptoms might begin in the weeks before and intensify as the date nears, the CDC adds. Some may continue for weeks after the anniversary.
But these symptoms don’t last forever and experts have identified several steps people can take to feel relief, both mentally and physically.
The rhythms of health
Getting the federally–recommended seven hours of sleep a night is important but so is sticking to a schedule. If you don’t keep a sleep routine, it can throw off your circadian rhythm – the body’s way of regulating hormones, digestion and temperature, according to the Cleveland Clinic.
Disrupting that internal clock can worsen the anniversary effect and also increase the likelihood of developing anxiety and depression.
So stick to a sleep schedule. That means going to bed and waking up at the same time, including on weekends, the Mayo Clinic instructs.
Going for a walk in sunlight, within the hour you wake up, helps signal to your brain and body that it’s daytime, says Banner Health nurse practitioner Alexandra Lessem, “setting the circadian clock.”
If you can’t be outside, sitting by an open window with direct sunlight has a similar effect.
A balanced diet packed with fruit and vegetables is crucial for a good night’s sleep. Several foods naturally contain melatonin, such as cherries, pistachios, almonds, eggs and fish, the National Institutes of Health says, and can help make you sleepy.
It’s important to drink plenty of water and move your body every day. As little as 10 minutes of moderate or vigorous activity, such as walking briskly or running, is enough to get more restorative sleep, Benjamin Baird, research assistant professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, said.
Mindful medicine
A few minutes of meditation a day helps with symptoms of anxiety, depression and trauma, and lets people connect with their inner self.
The ancient mind-body practice regulates the sympathetic nervous system, lowers the heart rate and levels of the stress hormone cortisol, the Cleveland Clinic says.
If you are new to meditation, begin with just a minute and build from there. There are a number of styles but some easy places to start include mindfulness meditation, which focuses on the breath, a certain image or feeling, or mantra meditation which has users repeat a certain word or phrase.
Guided meditation – following an expert in person or in one of many online apps – can help beginners tap into the process.
Journaling is a valuable practice for coping with the “anniversary effect.” It is widely used in therapy to help patients process painful feelings – and focus their minds on what they are grateful for or positive experiences.
“It may feel safest to bury painful feelings and avoid confronting them, but acknowledging what happened and how it has impacted you is an important part of healing,” the non-profit Mental Health America says.
Social service
As a difficult date on the calendar approaches, reach out to family and friends.
“There are some folks that, even months before, are nervous about the anniversary,” Laura Murray, a senior scientist in mental health and a clinical psychologist at Johns Hopkins Medicine, said in a statement. “They’re thinking about it, trying to figure out how to manage it – we sometimes describe this as spinning.”
Telling others not to bring up a death or traumatic event in the days before an anniversary can help friends or family struggling with trauma to avoid undue stress.
Make plans – even if it’s something small like going to a movie with a loved one or a board game night with friends. “It is important not to isolate yourself. Instead make efforts to be with others,” the National Center for PTSD says.
If you don’t want to confide in friends and family, talk to a trauma therapist. These experts are specifically trained in techniques such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. The therapy, first tested in 1989, involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. It can improve mood without having to talk about negative events, the Cleveland Clinic says.
All in the technique
Mental health experts recommend some tools that can alleviate the anniversary effect.
If you are feeling stressed or stuck thinking about the event, focus on the five senses – sight, smell, touch, sound and taste – to bring you back to the present, the National Alliance on Mental Illness says. This might start with the feel of your clothing, the sound of bird chirping nearby or the smell of food wafting from a restaurant.
“Then notice four of each, then three of each, and so on,” the alliance advises.
Being told to stay positive may make you roll your eyes, but thinking positively can reduce stress, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine. Bring up some of those silly cat videos on your phone – the simple acts of smiling and laughing fight stress by lowering heart rate and blood pressure.
Or pay it forward: send someone a thoughtful card or buy a coffee for a stranger. Making others feel good can make you feel good about yourself.