What is Nunchi?
Nunchi literally means “eye measure,” and it is a way of sizing up a room or, as the French say, “taking the temperature of the room.” It’s a way of entering an environment or situation with your eyes and ears open, making the self somewhat secondary so that you can first observe what is happening and then determine your place in it. The goal is to achieve overall harmony for yourself and others.
One thing that I mention in the book is that a part of Korean culture is that rooms have an atmosphere. The word “atmosphere” isn’t quite accurate. The Korean word for the atmosphere of a room or situation is “boonwiki,” which almost personifies a room. It’s the mood that a room has. If you think of the room as a creature and not just four walls and a ceiling, every element of that room affects its atmosphere. You have to be aware of your role in it. If you’re not, you upset other people, and they may not even know why. They just won’t want to be around you. We all have that one friend who doesn’t understand the effect they have on other people. It’s almost like they are the problem, and they can’t see it because they’re at the center of it.
Did the trend of exploring the traditional wisdom of various countries lead to the writing of The Power of Nunchi?
A few years ago, there was a trend in books where people were interested in how definitions of happiness differ from country to country. One of these was Hygge, which is the Danish art of coziness. Another is Ikigai, the Japanese way of living with purpose. It occurred to me that there was a Korean equivalent.
What’s interesting about Asian societies, or just non-Western societies in general, is that although happiness is important, it’s not a social necessity. It’s not something you achieve automatically. In places like Korea, happiness is something that you can only have if you first do the work for it. It’s not just something that you have a right to, or that drops out of the sky, or that someone just gives you. You have to earn it and work for it. One of the ways you work for it in Korean society is known as Nunchi. I felt it was important for non-Koreans to know about this, not just to understand Korean culture better, but also to understand why they might not be getting certain things they want in life. It’s like Taylor Swift’s song, “Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem.”
Is Nunchi inherent, or can it be acquired?
That is a really good question that no one has asked me. I would say it’s part nature and part nurture. If you look at young children, you can already see from the age of two or three that certain strong personality traits emerge. Especially if you have multiple children, you will see differences among them very early, and Nunchi is no different. Some people will seemingly be born with it, and some will be born with none. But in all cases, it can be acquired. Assuming a person has full function of all their senses, or at least some of them, they can learn how to observe. Mostly, it’s an attitude and an openness, as much as it is a skill. So in that sense, it can be acquired. You don’t have to have a certain IQ. It’s not like mathematical aptitude or an aptitude for linguistics. It can be acquired if you have an open and teachable heart. Some very smart people may never learn it because they don’t have a teachable heart, while some less conventionally intelligent people might be good at it. And then there’s everything in between.
Habits and personality traits are best acquired early. So how can one teach Nunchi to kids?
At an early age, without realizing it, most responsible parents are already teaching their children beyond the baseline survival skills. For example, if you tell a child to look both ways before crossing the road, that is a very elementary form of Nunchi. It’s about keeping your wits about you. Teaching them about stranger danger is another form of Nunchi, helping them know if someone might not have their well-being at heart.
In some cultures more than others, such as Korean and South Asian cultures, there is a strong emphasis on the child being aware of their effect on other people. They understand that one bad actor can be very disruptive. For example, nobody wants to stand in a queue, but if everyone jumped to the head of the queue, there would be chaos. Most Western cultures will teach you that much and won’t go much further, whereas many Asian cultures emphasize the importance of the relationship between the individual and the community. These are cultures very good at Nunchi.
What can we achieve by cultivating Nunchi?
- Improve performance at work: It can improve your performance at work. Many skilled people meet a career ceiling because they have bad Nunchi. We’ve all had bosses who don’t pay attention to their staff or customers and eventually face career trouble. If you have Nunchi, you walk into a meeting and quietly assess the mood before speaking. Bosses who do not master Nunchi often don’t stay in their positions long because they don’t know how anyone is thinking or if a mutiny is being planned.
- Be more persuasive: In situations where you’re conducting business, such as buying or selling a house, you need to present things in a way that appeals to your audience. If your client is a young couple planning a family, you must present the house as perfect for them before quoting a price or discussing features.
- Improve romantic relationships: In romantic relationships, disagreements often arise when one partner says, “I’m not a mind reader.” While Western therapy may suggest always speaking up about needs, this isn’t realistic for everyone. People raised in abusive homes or those with trauma may not know how to express their needs in a healthy way. You may need to read their mind, which is where Nunchi comes in.
- Enhance social situations: For those with social anxiety disorder, using Nunchi can help. Before entering a room, spend some time assessing the crowd, collect your thoughts, and make the best use of your time there.
How was Nunchi instrumental in your success?
As a writer, you need to sense trends. To have a relevant voice, you must pick out which current events are likely to be durable and meaningful. For example, I wrote a book before The Power of Nunchi called The Birth of Korean Cool: How One Nation is Conquering the World Through Popular Culture in 2014. I claimed that Korean popular culture was going to conquer the world before BTS, before Parasite, and before Squid Game. Many people in the West thought I was making this up. How did I know this was going to happen? I was paying attention. Paying attention means not just to individual human beings but to the way the world is going. More people were offering Korean ingredients on Western menus, more people were watching K-dramas, and more people were correctly guessing my Korean ethnicity.
If someone doesn’t have Nunchi and tries to write a trends book, they will likely be embarrassed or pick up on something that isn’t really a trend. Much of my success as a writer and journalist is due to paying attention, like licking your finger and sticking it up in the air to see which way the wind is blowing. This is a perfect metaphor for Nunchi: knowing which way the wind is blowing so you can know how to fly a kite—how much to give with your string, how quickly to run, and which direction to run. To be a journalist, you have to know which way the wind is blowing. In other words, you have to have good Nunchi.
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