Tipping jars and loans – how parents are paying for out of control kids parties

I am organising a Traitors-style birthday banquet at home for my daughter, Lola, who will be 10 next month. But that is just the sleepover part of her celebrations.

The next day, on her actual birthday, I’m taking her and her sister, Liberty, seven, to Cirque du Soleil’s insect-themed show Ovo, where a seat with a clear view costs £149.40 (and £138.40 for a child). Lola wanted to do something special with me, not just for her friends, and she desperately wanted to see the show at the Royal Albert Hall, so I caved in – and of course gave her everything she wanted.

Like many parents, I’m caught up in the pressure of throwing the perfect party. I know the gravity-defying feats are worth the price tag, but with all the party bags, pizza, Lola’s cheap and cheerful ball gown from Amazon, andThe Traitors official board game on top, I will have spent a total of £550.

That’s about right, according to a recent survey by Oxygen Activeplay. The average children’s party in the UK is now £524, which means a significant number are coming in at a lot higher. The price includes decorations, venue hire, food, gift bags and entertainment, as traditional parties are ditched in favour of over-the-top, Instagram-worthy bashes – with some parents even taking out loans to pay for them.

A quarter of parents (26 per cent) who host a birthday party for their child cover their costs on a credit card, and over a third (36 per cent) have said they use savings to pay for the party, according to research by Go Compare Money.

As expectations shift, sadly, donning a pair of fairy wings and taking everyone to the park no longer does the trick. And, just like weddings, venues can see the desperation in a parent’s eyes to make it all perfect, so I don’t doubt a few zeros are added to the cost too.

Parents are feeling the impact of this on their finances, to the point where they’re resorting to new – and controversial – ways of financing their darling daughter/son’s big day. A new trend I’ve noticed is parents adding “tipping is encouraged” on party invitations, hoping for handouts towards the soaring costs.

A video posted to Instagram went viral last year about the practice in the US, in which professional baker Victoria Perry insisted, “If you’re not giving at least $10, you should not bring your child.” It has been hotly debated online ever since, and is slowly infiltrating my west London circles, where one parent told us all in the group WhatsApp chat: “If you want to contribute, it’d be most appreciated.”

Bear in mind that guests are already bringing gifts, selected from a digital gift registry – just like a wedding event – with presents ranging from £40 Mini Rodini clothes and £18 Labubus, to practical items like a new lunchbox, a Stanley Cup (£35-50) or even PE trainers.

“No gift” parties haven’t hit the kids’ party scene yet and it’s hard for guests to feel confident about turning up empty-handed in case they are the only ones adhering to it. At my children’s west London state school, it’s quite normal for parents to invite all 30 classmates to a party and, when you leave, the trestle tables in the expensive church halls are piled high with presents. One parent admitted to me that she had resold the majority of the presents on Vinted to recoup most of the party costs, taking the view that her child wouldn’t even remember them all, as there were so many.

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Almost nine in 10 parents say hosting birthday celebrations has become extremely competitive, with almost half (45 per cent) saying that trying to plan a party was one of the most stressful things they have ever done.

The trickiest aspects are the high expectations kids have, such as inviting their whole class (43 per cent), according to the Oxygen Activeplay study.

It certainly rings true on my party circuit. My daughters have attended birthdays ranging from movie nights in private cinema rooms in Chelsea, bowling and karaoke, full-body VR immersive gaming experiences, and laser tag – all of which cost from £400 to over £1,000.

During one party at Kidzania, the now-closed but once popular kids’ roleplay city inside Westfield London, my daughter’s whole class of 30 were given realistic job experiences for £349.99 per 10 kids. How do you compete with that?

Last weekend, I dropped my kids off at a Montessori nursery in Kensington, where the party entertainer was a “scientist” behind a DJ deck. He had test tubes, pipettes and flasks full of brightly coloured liquids for a scientific discovery disco party. The mum had made a mad dash that morning to get the party bags – and spent around £300 in Sainsbury’s on mini highlighter pens and stickers last minute, having forgotten to do it with bulk buys on Amazon.

It’s hard to keep up. I considered a Build-A-Bear party – where each guest makes their own “furry friend” and enjoys special games – but the cheapest package, “New Super Smiles” was £25 per guest in Oxford Street, and I just knew the kids would want all the add-ons of bear clothes and accessories, including shoes, sunglasses and hats. It was untenable.

Then there was Go Ape for treetop climbing in Battersea, but at £319.50 for 10 guests, it seemed like an expensive mistake if it rained. There was also the idea of having an icing biscuits party at a fancy store in Notting Hill with an expert icer on hand to teach and guide throughout, but at £55 per person for one hour, it was out of the question.

Even my youngest daughter’s soft play party at a bog-standard west London leisure centre set me back £255 for an hour followed by pizza and hot dogs in a no-frills room back in 2023. We’ve done the fabulous Harry Potter studio tour, which is always a total success, but for three adults and six kids, I spent £423. Paddington the Musical was a no-no with crazily expensive ticket prices averaging around £250 to £350 each.

The only party I avoid like the plague are pool parties, which always descend into chaos with parents being told they have to get into the water to help out – all captured brilliantly on Motherland’s episode “The Pool Party”.

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Long gone are the days of cheese sandwiches, bowls of crisps, pineapple cheese sticks, and a homemade cake. These days, parents who are hosting a party need to know about children’s food allergies and supply vegetarian, pescatarian and gluten-free meal options. Sugar treats need to be kept at an acceptable level so there are no meltdowns or uncontrollable sugar highs.

The recent survey showed that, among parents with children under 13, around one in 20 of them had ordered plush sushi platters for their child’s party, although the usual processed foods are still popular, including pizzas (45 per cent ) and burgers (35 per cent).

Of course, nothing beats Beyonce and Jay-Z’s party for Blue Ivy’s fourth birthday in 2016, rumoured to have cost around $800,000, and Kim Kardashian’s “Camp North” party for North West, when she flew the party of children in a private jet plane, decorated with wood stumps and spiderwebs for a spooky feel, to a wilderness camp in 2022, with ziplining, archery, and makeup sessions.

George Whitefield, co-founder of Sharky and George, a luxury party planning service in London and Bristol, tells me that there is more demand than ever for “creative and original content” at parties. “It’s often based on characters and storylines from books, films and TV,” says Whitefield, who has clients willing to spend an average of £50,000 on a child’s party.

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For young teens, he says, it’s always a challenge to “pitch a party right” as their expectations grow as they get older. For this age group, his party-planning company has seen an increase in bespoke murder mysteries inspired by The Traitors – which clearly shows how on-trend I am with Lola’s party.

Although party prices have increased significantly across the board in line with inflation and the increase in the cost of living, he’s seen a lot of families clubbing together to spread the cost of parties, which typically start from £600, “which is good value if you have 30 kids”, he adds.

“The trouble is,” one mum tells me, “you think you have it all covered, and then get hit by another bill, as you forgot the piñata, or forgot to factor in the fact you have to have the central heating on for a sleepover, as you can’t expect other people’s kids to freeze.”

Of course, the truth is a party doesn’t have to cost a bomb. Hosting it in a park with a cake is perfect in the summer if it’s not raining, as long as your child doesn’t think it’s a raw deal in a world where parties are the new playground boast.

But for many of us, the conveyor belt of kids’ birthday parties is a financial bloodbath that only gets worse every year.